Thoughts During the Downpour

My, how time flies. I've been staying away from my computer when I'm not at work lately, and this blog has suffered for it. I can't say that anything terribly exciting has happened in the interim, but I suppose that was the point of straying away from my normal routine - to get some peace and quiet.

My boyfriend has basically moved into my room, and it has created an interesting dynamic for me. Having spent the past two years with a relatively anti-social roommate, I'm not at all used to having people come into the room without the intention of visiting me, and I'm certainly not used to walking into a room full of people I had not invited into the room myself. It's strange to fall asleep alone and wake up with someone next to you, and the morning routine that I was so used to has been ripped from its foundation by an extra body in the room that sleeps until noon. That said, I still get by.

Went to the beach the weekend before this past one and picked up a pretty nice piece of driftwood. It's just a little taller than me and looks like it would make a good walking stick, though it only serves to prop open my door these days. That was the last day I spent outside for recreational purposes, with the exception of today - I've just returned from a walk in the rain. Although it did start to pour a bit while we were out, I didn't get properly drenched. It's possibly one of the things I miss most about home: laying down in our big side yard and letting the rain pour down on me until I know I'll have to engage in a wrestling match with my t-shirt to get into dry clothes. Burlington storms never seem to last long enough for that.

I've actually played a couple of games and watched a handful of movies in last week or two, which may also have contributed to my time away from the computer. The first game, My Life as King, was a WiiWare title produced by Square Enix as a minor continuation to the Gamecube title Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles. While the game is nothing like any other Final Fantasy game, and it doesn't take more than a few hours to complete, it was somewhat appealing to me. The artistic direction was certainly strong and well polished. I'm not sure I can say as much for the slightly repetitive mechanics and lacking instructions, but it was still a decent price for the amount of content. The other game, which I'm still playing around with at the moment, is an Atlus game for the Wii called Baroque. The thing that I find interesting about this game is that when you die, it appears as if you've started the game over again entirely. I have also come across two cut scenes that sent me back to the beginning of the game again. The interesting thing is that there is a feeling that you haven't completely started over again. I have yet to discover whether or not this is actually the case. If you truly are starting over every time you die, my interest in the game will be completely nullified the moment I find out.

And just for kicks, here's a brief run-down of the movies I rented:
Enchanted - seen it before, liked it more the first time though it still has its moments.
Amelie - absolutely adored it and am restraining myself from buying it...the little things in life are truly something to be celebrated.
The Science of Sleep - strange, quirky, enjoyable, but not worth another watch in my book.
Atonement - wonderfully composed tragedy, not so well composed narrative.
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - too many snarky comebacks, useless references to sex, and ridiculous plot points.
Mirrormask - beautiful art style and imaginative concepts, slightly weak and childish plot (but what's to be expected from Jim Henson anyway?).

I Am The Grower...Just Kidding!

I feel as if I've forgotten to water a plant when I don't write in this space for a while, and in a way, I have. This writing marks my growth, and without any markers, there might as well have never been any growth at all, at least none that can be seen and appreciated. So, here I am to water and grow.

I was trying to rewrite my profile for GIVIT today (which is coming scarily close!), and I realized that while not much has changed since last summer, one very important thing has - last year, I said I had a really boring job that I would love to get a distraction from. The fact that I'm doing work that I enjoy and am committed to this summer, at least in part, is wonderful. I couldn't imagine a better way to spend this summer, at least as far as employment is concerned.

I started understanding the organization of code a little bit better today. Little things were catching me up all over the place, but I pulled through and swept up the loose ends. I also put comments in my code, which always makes me feel better about handing it off to someone else, as is inevitable.

On a note regarding leisure activities, I've become instantly hooked on Beatmania. I'm terrible at it, utterly and completely, but I adore it. I'd only seen the game once before in arcade format at Anime Boston two years ago, and barely remembered it at all until Munchies mentioned that he's been hurting his hand playing it. I'm pretty sure I'm going to develop severe problems with my wrist joints if I keep playing, but it was unsettlingly addicting - I played for four hours straight, and I only played seven different songs! It may have been because I was in the mood for a rhythm game, though. Even if it weren't, I don't have the time to devote to the dear game.

And where does that leave me? Feeling somewhat relaxed into the week. I need to cram some work together, I've realized, so I can go downtown at some point and get a passport (!!!), but I sorely lack the motivation, or the proper means of payment to do it. I'll figure something out.

Happy June, everyone!

A Language Tangent and a Subscriptions Budget

The weekend is off to a slow but steady start. Last night, I watched an Ang Lee movie entitled Lust, Caution. Everyone I know says that Chinese would be too difficult to learn or too hard to speak or that it's just plain ugly compared to similar Asian languages, especially when sung, but after watching the film, I think I disagree. In all fairness, the lead actress had a relatively soft and low voice, but her speech and singing alike were beautiful to me. It was interesting to see a portrayal of a Japanese tea house in one of the scenes, because I have often been impressed with the idea that Japanese culture is so much more graceful and peaceful - here, it was quite the opposite.

It was also strange to realize what few parts of the Chinese language are still drifting around in my head: wo (I/me), ni (you), ta (he/she, distinguished by the written character but pronounced the same), men (pluralizing suffix), shi (verb to be), bu (negative), ma (question), and of all things, gege (older brother) and didi (younger brother). I don't even have any brothers, so I've no idea why those stuck. There's also xiexie (Thank you), ni hao (Hello), and zaijian (Goodbye) for actual phrases, as well as meiguo (America) and zhongguo (China).

From every language I've been exposed to, there's one sentence or phrase that I keep in my head. For French: Je ne comprends pas. Parlez-vous anglais? (I don't understand. Do you speak English?) For Spanish: Hola. Como te llamas? (Hi. What's your name?) For Japanese: Ima, nanji desu ka? (What time is it right now?) For Latin: Semper ubi sub ubi (Gibberish that sounds like you're saying "Always wear underwear" when translated aloud). For German: Volkswagon (No translation needed, but they just say it funny). For Russian: da (yes). And Chinese: Wo shi meiguo ren. Ni shi bu shi zhongguo ren? (I'm American. Are you Chinese?) I'm not sure why these sentences have been tucked into my mind. Logically, they should all have to do with asking for help or getting the other person to speak my language in one way or another, but clearly it hasn't worked out that way. Some are from languages I never formally studied. Some are from encounters from people living in the culture from which the language comes. All have strong memories, both good and bad.

Today, I have been at work since the relative start of my day. I've spent the majority of my time attempting to come up with scenarios for Amanda's game. It's harder than you'd think to come up with situations for teens to ponder that would expose them to cultural or class differences without delving too far into morals. In essence, it is hard to create questions that do not have one right answer, at least on the count of 100. I will nevertheless persevere, because I am honored that Amanda asked me, and more so with each day. She truly is an admirable game developer, if only she would show it more often. I saw her yesterday with the board game Trouble tucked under her arm. Today, she told me that she had taken out the cardboard bottom to the game and redesigned it to be a game about oil use and how it effects the world. She's going to get it printed on cardboard soon, and I hope to see it when she's done. I'd never think to do something like that. I hope I'll be that smart in another 10-20 years.

The rest of the day will most likely be devoted to games and movies - ha! I hope to sneak in some reading outside before the clouds and dusk chase the sun away, but if I don't, I have a game that Amanda gave me for inspiration sitting on the desk beside me, I still need to finish playing the Myst series, and I just signed up for a Netflix account so I won't keep buying movies that I don't particularly want to see again. There's apparently an option to instantly watch movies on your computer in addition to those you receive in the mail: that's my kind of plan. I suspect this subscription, along with my music and video game ones, will take up my recreational budget for the summer. Fortunately, I should have a beta to try out in a month rather than paying for an MMO on top of this. Assuming no one drags me downtown for food too often, I think I have a solid basis for enjoying my months off from school to the fullest.

From Work to Warhammer, Wii, and The World...

I've been too tired to blog lately. It's a bit sad. Despite the fact that I only had to work one night this week, I feel as if my evenings have been remarkably full. Considering none of the nightly events were the same, I view this in a good light. However, I hope to get in some more time for thinking. Perhaps it will become a function of the weekend.

The project I've been working on is an interesting one. It's funny, but I feel as if being in charge of a group of people makes you realize where your own interests truly lie. Going into this project, I was ready to facilitate a massive brainstorming symphony for a few weeks before deciding on a game plan and moving ahead. I've loved collaboration in the past, and I figured that adding more people to the process would only make it better. This theory may still hold to be true, but it seems not to be the case with the individuals I've got my hands on. As long as they consult with each other in small groups, I'm relatively accepting of the situation, but even that has fallen to bits. I feel as if I've said this before, and it's very likely that I have.

The new development is that I have a designer on my team who is struggling terribly with the entire process. He lacks the communications skills to effectively offer criticism or make a point without attacking or insulting others, and he is incapable of expressing his own ideas in a succinct fashion that allows others to provide feedback. Whether out of frustration or as a normal mechanism, he has taken to asking me lists of questions regarding clarification of either the design of the project or the structure of the design document. Were I the lead designer on the project, I would gladly oblige and do my best to guide him. Given that I am a producer, and perhaps creative director at best, feelings have welled up within me geared towards distancing myself from the whole documentation process.

I feel more and more as if I would like to be a conceptual designer, if anything. I enjoy the bouncing around of ideas far too much, and the writing of elaborate stories and the minutia of mechanics nowhere near enough. Second to this desire is one to code. I'm coming out and saying it. As much as I love game concepts, I feel that anyone can have a steady hand in it if they can communicate properly. I would much rather have my hands in the network that runs it, if only I were better educated for it. Perhaps in the years to come, I'll manage to get that education somehow.

The moral of the story is that I'm still finding my place in the world, as I should be, and that I hope it does not come at the sacrifice of my team's cohesion and my love for cultivating ideas.

On an unrelated note, I've started measuring my laughter count for the week in bruises. It's becoming habit for me to be violently tickled into giggling fits, and I've rarely escaped without banging some part of my body against something unpleasantly hard, or simply suffering bruises from the intense act of tickling. The aftereffects are certainly unhealthy, but the remembrance of such a pure, spontaneous sound of joy is one that continues to warm my heart through the day. It's a good feeling to be forced to laugh when you'd rather sulk, though I enjoy the everyday laughter that fills my life voluntarily as well.

Continuing the chain of tangents, I've become re-excited about Warhammer Online, thanks to Wes and Mike. I don't foresee myself ever getting into an MMO hardcore, but the potential for group play and experimentation with a new system is appealing to me to an extent that few games have been able to entice me recently. Next on my rental list is Opoona, a Wii game that looks mildly unique, and The World Ends with You, a DS game inspired by modern Japanese culture. If anyone has any better suggestions, chime in!