Human Frequency

Well, I have to start by saying this; whoever told Ann about my blog, thanks! It was really great to read her last entry - it always surprises me how much faith she puts in our generation. I also need to thank Marie this morning. It has become clear to me in the past week that she is truly one of the strongest forces that makes Champlain feel like home, outside of my EMC family at least. The idea of losing me once and for all, which has of course been inevitable from the beginning, seemed to bring her to tears yesterday, and I came into the library this morning to find that she'd bought me a "bon voyage" present - an adorable Vera Bradley cosmetics bag and a wallet too! I only hope I can find something wonderful to bring back to her from my trip in return. Sometimes she just makes me feel like I have my own Burlington grandmother watching out for me, and it's so heartening to realize that someone I didn't know a few years ago could grow such a sense of pride and warmth in knowing me.

That said, there's something else on my mind that's been giving me seemingly unlimited energy lately. The realization came in part from something that happened on Monday. A little over a week before, I had applied for a passport. I was nervous that I wouldn't get it by August, and had no idea if I would even need it then. On that Monday, I was officially accepted to the UN project, and when I left work to check my mail, I found my passport waiting for me. I never expected both of those events to happen on the same day, and they felt somewhat perfect because they had.

I think to a certain extent, when two people come together, there is a similar chance for things to feel perfect, and I think it has a lot to do with each person's mentality and the atmosphere they create with their attitude. If you meet someone for the first time and you find yourselves in the same mindset, it feels like the chance for a great connection. If you continue to operate on the same wavelength over the course of time, you start to wonder how you never noticed the person or got along without them. And at that point, even if your brainwaves wander away from each other, it feels like the bond can never be broken, as long as both people are still affected by the feeling that a genuine link exists.

Beautiful friendships can blossom out of such feelings, but they don't always make it that far. Sometimes the feeling exists even when the opportunity to develop friendship is suspended, creating an even stranger sense that you've been thrown into a compelling state of interest and investment in someone you barely know. Sometimes the feeling swells for a moment and then dies away, leaving only a small sense of appreciation for someone else amid an otherwise perpetual state of tolerance or distanced behavior. And sometimes the feeling is offset by a distinct awareness of status-imbalance between the two people; I have yet to decide whether or not this makes the feeling weaker or...not stronger, but better.

There are most certainly a few people that have led me to this conclusion, but the thought extends up to a higher level as well. It has become my experience that some people shift their "human frequency" quite a bit, while others stay put on their one wavelength, cruising through life in a fixed state and only enjoying the company of those who conform to them or find themselves in the same static mentality. Is this the difference between extroverts and introverts? In years past, I had a distinct personality that was offered to everyone in the same form, taken or left for what it was. As I take on more projects, work with more people, do more things with my life in general, I think I've developed a more faceted personality. I know what parts of me have been tied to other people, and I know which parts of my nature would never show their face during certain experiences. I'm not a social butterfly, but I'd feel safe identifying with the social chameleon.

I think this is why I don't usually enjoy groups of people. One on one, you can be anything that the other person enjoys, values, or needs. With a sea of people, it feels good to just be yourself in the moment. But give me a handful of people, no less than 5 and no more than 50, and I'll try to empathize with each person until my brain can't handle it anymore.

Just something interesting that I've been dwelling on. I don't have any answer to what this means about people, I just see it as something that heavily influences human interaction, and I'm glad that I've learned to leap out of the one-wavelength rut and tune in to the people around me.