Making Space

This is more of an announcement than a post - I'm going to try to get my creative storytelling juices flowing again. Check it out if you like, I'm still working with what I like to call Narrative Postcards: you'll get a glimpse, but not a whole lot more.

The Human Connection

I've started thinking a bit today about how humans use other humans. Some are very childish and selfish, essentially using their peers as toys. These people talk to others, but not in the sense that they are looking for good conversation or advice; they simply voice their thoughts, and because they recognize that humans are better than inanimate toys, they expect recognition of their declarations. This is where the appreciation of human life ends, however; there is no sense that they want to interact with other human beings on any deeper level. I wonder what people like this will do when their dolls get up out of the closet and move on with their lives.

Others seem to want other humans around for a sense of comfort and enjoyment, or nothing at all. I call these "teddy bear" people. They like to point out the cute or unique features of others, but they only do so if they feel entirely adored by those individuals. If others are not willing to hug and laugh and dance, actively and without any sense of concerted effort from the "teddy bear" person themselves, they are useless.

There are still others that I like to call "toolbox appointment" people. They want to know that someone who desires to spend time with them has both a purpose and a plan in mind. It doesn't matter if they want to see the person or not; if the purpose behind interaction is not made explicit, they feel as if they are wasting one person's or the other's time. This places a lot of responsibility on people like me, who often desire company for company's sake; the presence of other human beings is both calming and energizing to me, given different situations.

I'm not acknowledging much of this as right or wrong, and most people admittedly bridge the gap between different intentions for addressing other human beings. Additionally, the examples I've given are only a few of many that I can think of off the top of my head. I suppose it's just on my mind because I'm often concerned that I abuse my relationship with other people. I'm certainly not very mindful of the way in which I communicate. It's a problem.

Rapid Change: Initial Thoughts

I was listening to Nancy Cathcart give a presentation on how community service requirements will be integrated into the first year for residential students through the LEAD program, and someone mentioned that the Peer Advisors should also be attending these activities. My initial thought was this: I don't have time for that! I never let go of that thought, but I did start to wonder how community service and game development can be brought more closely together. The idea that I came up with is something I'd like to call Rapid Change.

Over the course of the past year, having attended a number of conferences and gotten used to the quick and dirty production of games with minimal content and maximum punch, I've become a huge fan of rapid prototyping. These games do not usually have mechanics that require a gamer's mentality and strategic analysis. But they still carry important messages, and they still provide enough interactivity for the user to become engaged, if not completely immersed. What if students volunteered to take controversial or critical issues from the local, national, or global community, and presented them through rapidly developed games? If these games were hosted on a school website and were publicized on a regular basis or made readily available to students when they have a few free moments of time, imagine how much impact they could make, how much public stimulation they might provide in an effort to elevate student interest and discussion.

I'm quite fond of the idea, but I feel certain that I lack the resources, particularly time, to orchestrate it. Also, I have no idea where these games might be made available for students to access. No one's going to jump on a computer and play a game off of the school portal in their free time; they would most likely go straight to a site like Addicting Games. Perhaps we could offer some incentive within the community to play these games. People could collect "Awareness Points" and win prizes for being the most "aware" student of the month. We could even try to supply stickers or some other kind of tangible representation of the online achievements.

Just something to consider. I'd love to see it become a reality, but my obligations for this summer and next year are grossly inflated as it is.

An Off Evening Turned to Off Morning

After a rousing hour of DDR that brought my calorie-burning count up to 500 for yesterday, I sat down for a while and wrote in this space. When I stopped, my room was absolutely frigid. I decided to curl up under my blankets and read more of the book that Wes gave me for my birthday, but the toasty lull of my bed was too much; I passed out around 10:30.

Opening my eyes again after what felt like only a moment, I looked to my computer and found two conversations open. These people had only last talked to me around midnight; I figured it couldn't be much later than that. Casually glancing at my clock, I was flabbergasted. It was 3:30 in the morning. While one person was still awake to talk to me, the other had gone to bed hours ago. After 20 minutes of chatter, I shut off my lights and music and fell back into bed.

My dream time has been filled in the past couple days with incredibly mundane sequences where I'm still in Disney World. It's terribly boring and I have no idea what it means. This is my first thought of the morning, where I've woken at 7:10 instead of 6:45 and have no time for DDR because I forgot to do reading for today's training. Boo. =(

It's funny how little things can pile up and influence your outlook on the day. I know that I will most likely forget most of this in the coming hour. Even now, my stomach is starting to grumble, shifting my attention towards breakfast. Similarly, the light beating down on my window shades looks to be quite bright and warm, despite the weather forecast. Even if it's cold out there, a beautiful day will perk me right up, no question.

This isn't a very thought-provoking discussion, but it's only 7:45 in the morning.

What's in a Name?

Names seem to be an interesting topic lately. In our training today, we were asked to share the story of our names: why our parents chose them, what significance they may have. This was my little blurb:

My name is Lauren April. I suppose my mom and my dad chose to give me the middle name April because yes, I was born in April, but both of my parents were also born in April; My birthday is 20 days after my mom's and exactly 1 week after my dad's. While my sister was born at 10:10 on 12/12, my mom was 26 when I was born on the 26th; number repetition seems to be our thing, but that's a tangent. My first name doesn't seem to have any particular significance to my family. I know that I was going to be named Lanie, but because my grandparents have pronunciation issues, my parents didn't want them calling me "Rainy April." I think it would have been cute, but Lanie would have been far too cutesy a name for me. Despite the inner happiness I feel now, I've been weathered by a lot of teenage angst; as much as I would have loved to skip out on all of it, I think it's done a lot to bring me to the state I'm in today.

Last night, I also had a brief conversation with Wes about giving him a nifty Japanese name. It was a little thing, but I got into it quite a bit and stayed up until 1:30 reading common male names and sifting through the good ones. I did even more refining in the morning, leaving little time to prepare for the day. Having it on my mind, I found the training discussion amusing. As a note, here are some of the most interesting ones I came up with, accompanied by meanings:

Hideki: splendid opportunity
Hiroki: abundant joy/strength
Hotaka: step by step, derived from the name of the tallest mountain in the Japanese Alps
Kunio: countryman
Masaki: elegant tree
Masuyo: increase the world
Michio: man on the right path
Mikio: tree trunk man
Minori: beautiful harbor
Mitsuru: full, growing
Naoki: honest tree
Takumi: artisan
Tetsuya: become iron, clear evening
Tomio: treasured man
Toshio: alert, genius, valued man

Last names were a completely separate beast that I'd never thought much about before. I'd realized that surnames were most commonly comprised of two kanji, an adjective and a noun, or sometimes two nouns with one used to describe the other. Some of the cooler ones I found:

Nouns:
hama: beach
shima: island
to: gate
taki: waterfall

Adjectives:
taka: high
tomi: rich
naga: eternal
fuku: lucky

Nouns as Adjectives:
moto: origin
guchi: mouth, entry
kuma: bear
(I had to include kuma in honor of the Japanese class ^_^)

You can really make some wonderful names with these simple combinations. For example, Minori Takimoto would mean beautiful harbor at the origin of a waterfall. Pretty neat in my opinion. More food for thought. Tabete kudasai. (Eat it!)

Life and Love

I suspect this is one that people will want to skip over. It's also one of those things that I don't have the patience to bug other people about. So it's being dropped into this relatively safe space, left to float down onto the top of the pile and to be picked up by someone else whenever they so choose.

I mention love in the title, but love is a simpler thing than I think most people allow it to be. I have a twisted view of love, which to some people comes off as naive, but I don't think they see the whole. When I love someone, it is wholehearted and unfettered by anything else in my life; I love to the full capacity that I am capable of in relation to any given person at any point in time. Whether I'm in a relationship or wandering around the world alone, my affection for other human beings is unchanged. It would be naive of me to say that whoever ends up on top of my affection chart is the one that deserves my overtures and commitments.

There's a practicality to relationships that I can't escape. I have found it easy to love others more than I love the person I hold current commitments to. But that person has agreed to the relationship in a way that no one else has; I am able to be completely honest, to maintain my busy schedule and make time for interaction whenever I get the chance. I have even been able to shake the relationship down to its core, shatter its foundation and build it up anew. It takes a powerful agreement to leave that space open, to risk everything in the hope of making it better. I realize this is something that most people don't understand; if they do, they're very good at making me feel like I'm on my own here.

I've become very aware of how different my attitude towards other people is over the course of the past year. I will tell anyone anything about myself if they ask. I can love anyone for almost any reason if they request it of me. But I have a disgustingly rigid sense of morals, and once the alarm sounds, the offending individual goes into quarantine for life. Fortunately, few people have gained that kind of status in my mental prison of justice. Unfortunately, few people have asked for anything else.

On top of this, there are some ethical questions that appear to weigh more heavily in my mind than they do on average elsewhere. Can a relationship exist between professionals? More casually than that, what about a classmate that you lean on whenever possible? It's bad enough when a relationship ruins your personal life; should you give it the power to ruin your intellectual and career life as well? It was a heated topic today, and one that I remain relatively silent on. It's a case by case, in my opinion. I think I can safely say that I've only met one individual thus far that comes even close to being worth the risk. Even at that, I can see that there is no need to think of it at all. A topic better left untouched in the end, it would seem.

Technology Crisis

I had a funny moment recently where I felt like maybe games were not the right field to be in. There are so many social networking applications taking the Internet by storm that it seems easy for games to be lost in the mix. They've been around for millennia; why should anyone start noticing them again? While I see the emerging merit in them, it's difficult to be the champion of a new spin on an old trick. Games are powerful tools that can be used to express important concepts or thought-provoking messages. They have not always or often been used for this purpose, but the psychology behind games makes them perfect for it.

This is only a smaller portion of a larger contemplation on technology as a whole. It was interesting to listen to statistics about people in my generation that are younger than me. It made me realize that as technology develops and brings people together faster than ever before, culture also shifts at increasingly rapid speeds. I would never have imagined that children in elementary school would be carrying around cell phones and laptops. Even more so, I refuse to acknowledge that students need access to social networking tools like MySpace while at school. There is a fine line between resource and recreational tool in the technological world today, I recognize this. But it is a pretty clear line in some places.

So, I begin to wonder: at what point is that line going to be drawn on an official level? In their fear or lack of understanding, will teachers start letting their students use AIM and Facebook in the classroom? If either of these has become a part of intellectual conversation, one has to be a little afraid that the answer may be yes.

It's funny to listen to digital immigrants talk about technology and how they implement it. From the standpoint of a digital native, these actions come off as "poser" moves. Our generation is in many ways united against all other forces in the world. If someone comes across to us as hokey, we all know it and no one will accept them. If an older adult, like Ann or John Cohn, proves that they're up to snuff with technology, we accept them into the circle. But once you screw up, it's hard to shake off the resounding laughter you may receive from kids today. I wonder if they will ever truly accept the ways in which older individuals have started using Second Life, or if they'll just wait for some of their Gen Y peers to get into the working world and shake things up. The latter option seems far more likely to me.

There's that thought. Oh, how unbalanced the world is becoming...

Starting Summer

Well...thoughts have come and gone about life, careers, the future of society, and a whole slough of other topics in the past few days. I've been so tired and partially confused that I've found no time to write. However, a day full of training and DDR has left me energized: no three hour naps today!

To sum up my experiences since I last wrote, I met a lot of amazing people and I enjoyed an array of new activities and places. It was strange to return to my room and find it half-empty, but my clutter from unpacking has already filled the void. This does not bode well for my repacking process, which ought to commence in the next few days, but I choose to gleefully ignore this fact for the time being.

I've started my Peer Advisor training, which will last until the end of the week. I was a little disheartened by the number of freshmen in the ranks; I'm not entirely sure, but I think I'm one of the only up-and-coming seniors involved in the process that hasn't been placed in a more senior position. Admittedly, leadership has never been my strong point. Being in charge of a handful of young adults scares the crap out of me. But if I could manage high schoolers for GIVIT, I should be able to take on a few slightly more mature incoming Champlainers.

It's strange to hear other people's opinions of me, and yet it seems to be coming up more and more. I hate to reference Harry Potter, as much as I love the series, but I truly feel like I'm in an HP situation; my power dwells in the faith that other people put in me. I made one mention of the fact that I was thinking about ditching the PA position, and Wes jumped in to label me as a role model. Heather, my roomie for next year in the suites (squee!) voiced her agreement from a nearby table. I literally ran into the library to talk to Sarah Cohen, the Information Literacy Librarian, and when I mentioned that I was in training, she expressed how glad she was to hear that I'd be filling that kind of role. Perhaps most importantly of all, Shelli Goldsweig, the Staff Advisor for LEAD, expressed her opinion that I would be a good mentor for others and that she really wanted me to participate. I'm not saying that I should have to hear other people sing my praises in order to believe in myself, but what good is self-esteem if other people can't see you in that light?

That was a rant that I didn't really mean to go off on, but it's been stewing in my head a little today, and comes as close to a theme for my routine of late as anything can. Basically, I've decided to give up on questioning others when they compliment me for one thing or another. It's not going to my head, but it's definitely putting a spring in my step. And with summer on the way, there's next to nothing for me to complain about!

There have been a lot of other things on my mind lately, but I'll break them into more easily digested and navigated chunks, even though I'm sitting at my computer churning out the stream of consciousness.

Backin' Up

So I began to share a bit of my life with someone last night, and in doing so I realized that I don't often do so. Rather than try to keep tabs on who knows about my life and who doesn't, I'll toss a little bit out there now. If you'd like to know, here goes. Else, skip away.

I was born in Flushing, Queens. If you don't know what that means, Queens is a burrough of New York City. I lived there with my mother, father, and sister through the end of first grade. My dad worked for Mitsubishi, spent his weeknights smoking and chattering away in Japanese in his office, and spent his weekends golfing or driving us into the city for dim sum and visits to Grandma Nobuko and Uncle Veda.

My mother did not have a job, though she volunteered as a teaching assistant at my elementary school once I entered first grade. We did not have a car and often walked everywhere; fortunately, we were only a block away from school. I often came home for lunch, and once luckily missed a shooting because of it.

The summer after first grade, my mother brought my sister and me up to New Hampshire to visit with my cousins. We did this every few years, but this time we never went back home. I last saw my house at age 7 without knowing that I'd never see it again; it's strange to think about now, I suppose. The change was quite a shocker. I went from having Yugoslavian landlords that felt like a kitten in the house was no different from a horse in the kitchen to having my closest neighbors halfway down the road with three collies, and my cousins gaining a cat every few months. School was not on the next block over but in the next town over. There was no longer a school festival to celebrate different ethnic backgrounds and cultures; instead, we toured the farms owned by students' parents to watch maple syrup boil down and to ride mules. Don't get me wrong - I love the country, but I'm a city girl on the inside for many more reasons. My mind blazes when I'm in a city that lights up around me, and my soul stirs with the shadows that rush across mountains in spring. My heart falls on the line, flip-flopping in the moment. Perhaps this is why my heart flip-flops on a lot of things, but that's another story for another time.

Going on, I never really talked to my dad after we moved so abruptly without him, though my parents were not officially divorced until I was in sixth grade. It's been odd to bear a name knowing that the culture it came from is one that I had exposure to only for a small fraction of my life. For a long time, I felt embarrassed even saying it. In the past year or so, I've met a lot of people that have helped me to embrace it, whether they realized it or not.

I'm not sure where I was going with this anymore. I've been distracted by the possibility of a new old civilization...that'll make sense to someone out there. =)

DigitalNow - InteractiveWhen?

Today, I am at a conference called DigitalNow. It seems to be focused on providing new technological tools to people in management and leadership positions within national organizations. Doesn't quite sound like my cup of tea, but I've surprised even myself today; I really love this stuff. I don't know how healthy that is, but I plan on plugging away regardless.

I don't feel like I am in over my head, but that I swim in a completely different and deeper sphere. These people understand the importance of shifting dynamics. They realize what technology can do. But they are keeping to the present; These people are playing catch-up without leaping towards the future. When my generation becomes the market that they are attempting to deal with, they will have no idea what to do with us. They have the shift in content down, but the idea of interactivity is beyond them; they have kept track of the "what" without the "how."

Rather than attempt to create new structures of organization, why not put it entirely in the hands of the user? Is this too much of a break from profits? When users are completely in control of what they are attracted to and how they are able to manipulate it, when you provide tools that can enable an infinite number of possibilities, how much need is left for the provider? Less than they seem comfortable with.

Games have a far greater negative connotation than I had previously realized. Having just gotten to the hotel last night, while scrambling for food, we ran into another conference goer who was enthralled by what we were here doing; but he mentioned that his job did not allow him the space that was needed to jump on board. Why would anyone do this? Either they do not understand or they are afraid of losing control. Is the control that they cling to even needed? Would group discovery and dynamics not be more productive on a community level? We won't know until we try.

As I write this, the technology at this conference has started to disappoint, in an ironic turn. The speakers are popping in general session, and one of the videos requested by a panelist was not played successfully by any means. Though the techno is sound (no pun intended), I do declare: it's just plain tech-tacky.

It's interesting to think that these organizations that are completely unassociated with the technological industry are looking towards change and improvement: but the people speaking to these issues do not all seem to be the experts I was hoping for. As with many conferences, it appears to be a preaching-to-the-choir dynamic. If I ever run a conference, it will be one led by people from all walks of life.

An Introduction to "Nishikawa"

I've never been one for putting thoughts on the Internet where others can view them. However, having recently swamped some of my friends and acquaintances with trivial thoughts and observations, I've deemed it time to shut my inbox and open my web browser. Hello, world. Welcome to my junk heap for discarded ideas. Sift through it at your leisure.

I've discovered many things about myself in the past year. One is that while I enjoy writing, I love expressing myself through artwork as well. I've always known that I will be a lifelong learner, but I'm starting to feel like a teacher too. In general, I love everything more than I ought to. I express emotion in a quiet but powerful manner that can reach, ensconce, and burn through anything (thus far). I adore other human beings, though I spend more time analyzing them than I ought to. I detest money and struggle with my persistent dreams of utopia.

I write this on an evening that does not feel particularly important. I have many things to do in the coming days, and little time to do them. My mind has been bursting with thoughts this week, and the weather almost hit 80 today for the first time in what I imagine has been well over half a year. Summer is upon me, seemingly earlier than usual. I put on a dress and shorts, slid into sandals, and felt like myself again for the first time in what I imagine has been well over half a year. A strange sentiment, in both its declaration and its truth.

Expect no rhyme or reason to my leavings in this space. They promise to be of varying lengths, touching upon all imaginable feelings. It's the way I work, and something that I hope can be appreciated by others. This is a testing ground. Feel free to add unforeseen factors to my experiment, if you do so with friendly intentions and a warm spirit.