I can't say that I've often made promises to myself in life: never had any New Year's resolutions, didn't even make many promises to other people. I think I've always been so focused on helping others that I didn't realize I wasn't holding myself to high enough standards. Even doing well in school, I felt like I would be letting down my peers if I didn't have the answers, on the odd chance they were confused about one thing or another. In high school, the days when I forgot to do the homework were grave shocks. Once in my Latin class, when the teacher realized that no one had done the homework, he gave up and let us do whatever we wanted. I'm still sorry for that one...I love you, Mr. O!
But anyway, I've started dedicating myself a little bit to my own personal health, and it feels great. 350 calories burned before breakfast today, and I still had enough energy to dance around while I organized a few last things. In my creative writing blog, I've started picking up a thread of content, and it makes me feel pretty confident in my ability to weave a story, even though I'm doing it in an untraditional fashion and haven't been at it for very long. This is in part because of other people, though. When I post something online for anyone to see, even if I realize that next to no one is actually reading it, I feel more obligated to do it on a regular basis. But if the things I did in life weren't at least a little bit motivated by other people, I'd be more selfish than I'd like.
Sadly, I don't think I'll often have time to myself. I started doing scheduling calculations while brushing my teeth this morning, and I even got into the financial details when I first sat down to my computer. The challenge ahead of me will be to find the little things that make me feel good about myself. I've seen a few, like a random comment someone made that shows confidence in my ideas, but I'd like to find a personal source as well: something I can depend on no matter where I am. One thing I've picked up on is that I have a strong affinity for little knick-knacks and other objects that are seemingly useless. If I can find a way of "imbuing" some little thing with ideas of myself and self-appreciation, I'd probably be on a happier road. That sounds crazy, I realize this now that I've written it. I'll end there, but don't be surprised if you see me carrying around a tiny felt monster or something else of a similar nature. ;P
10 years ago
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I've been conviently placing a rock where I'll see it every morning and night... This isn't just any rock, but I found it one day last summer when I was out on an adventure. The rock kind of looks like an eagle at a strange glance, and when I look at it I try to think of what I'm grateful for. Everytime "friends" is the first to come up because that's where the rock really comes from, but I do try to think a little bit more. Really it ends up with me just being grateful that things are going so great in my life, and it starts my day with a smile. Super lame I know, so I won't be laughing at you if you carry around little monsters =)
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